


Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back

by Natileroxs



Series: Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back [1]
Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys - My Chemical Romance (Album), Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Comic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-09 20:41:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20516120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natileroxs/pseuds/Natileroxs
Summary: Gerard Way, future leader of BL/Ind and soon to take over as head SCARECROW, hates Killjoys. They took his little brother from him, killed him in cold blood.But when he is tasked with interrogating a Killjoy who grins at him and calls him pretty, he finds his opinions shifting.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this just for fun and because I've been really into the fabulous killjoys fandom recently. 
> 
> I hope I wrote the characters right. And for people reading my other fics, I am so sorry.

Gerard hates Killjoys. His whole life he’s been told they’re these dangerous terrorists that just want anarchy, chaos, and pain for everyone. He’s been told that they kill without mercy or reason, that they’re ruthless and heartless. 

When he was much younger, he used to have a few doubts as to the truth of these statements, but when he’s fifteen, something happens that truly makes his blood boil whenever he hears the word ‘Killjoy’.

_ The house is dead quiet like it usually is. Nothing out of the norm. He takes his pills like normal, checks his appearance for any imperfections, and then makes his way downstairs. One thing he does find is out of place, is that the table is set for two, not three. His mother already occupies one of the spots, gesturing for him to take the other. He does so, glancing around with confusion.  _

_ “Where’s Mikey?”  _

_ His mother has never liked him referring to his brother as ‘Mikey’.She’s always sternly reminded him that his brother’s name is ‘Michael’. It is the same as whenever Mikey calls him Gee. So Mikey doesn’t call him that often. But today, instead of correcting him, she looks grim.  _

_ “He’s gone.” _

_ “Gone?” He raises his eyebrows in confusion ever so slightly. It’s an adequate amount of emotion he’s allowed to show at this given time. Inside, though, panic has set in already. “What do you mean?” _

_ “The Killjoys took him.”  _

_ His heart stops. He’s heard what the Killjoys do to their victims. They’re violent, vicious, torturous. He finds himself unable to breathe. But he schools his expression and nods curtly. There will be time later for him to mourn the loss of his brother.  _

_ “What are we going to do about his position?”  _

_ Mikey is supposed to take over from his uncle, Korse. And Gerard’s supposed to take over from his mother, as director.  _

_ “You will fulfil both your own and now his duties. That is all. Finish your breakfast and be ready for training in fifteen minutes.”  _

_ As soon as she leaves the room, he lets out a shaky breath, scarfs down the food placed in front of him, and checks his appearance in the bathroom again. His eyes are shining with unshed tears, so he wipes them away with a hand towel, and forces his emotions down. _

_ He then goes about his day in dead silence, mechanical as if he’s a robot. But, as soon as nightfall hits, he curls up in bed and lets out all the sobs he’s been keeping locked up in his chest. It feels good to get them out. He muffles them with the pillow, hoping no one hears him and then prays to the gods that he doesn’t believe in that his little brother didn’t suffer.  _

“Gerard Way, pay attention.” He looks up from where he was staring at the ground. Korse is glaring down at him. He straightens himself out and apologises swiftly. All he receives is a turn of the head and a gesture for him to stand. 

“Now, as I was saying, you will be interrogating a Killjoy today. Try and get as much information out of it as you can. You will not be monitored during your interrogation, because this exact Killjoy recently blew out all cameras and recording equipment. You are expected to report back with everything you have learned.” 

Gerard scowls as soon as he hears the word ‘Killjoy’. But he knows he has to be professional. He can’t show any emotion, especially in front of the Killjoy. It wouldn’t be wise to show weakness in front of the enemy. 

The walk to where they’re keeping the ‘Joy is cold, clean, and white. There is complete silence, aside from their footsteps, and even they’re muted as he thinks about what exactly he’s going to say to this Killjoy. It’s better to stick to the script, he thinks, but curiosity is itching at the back of his mind. Curiosity of why exactly they do what they do. 

The door handle is icy to the touch, so he only touches it for as long as it takes for him to wrench the thing open and slip inside. He brushes his hair down slightly and then takes a look at the Killjoy, who looks up at the same time. 

Making eye contact with the Killjoy makes all his confidence dissipate, no matter how much he attempts to hold onto it. The Killjoy simply licks his lips, his dark hair hanging loose and long. Gerard begins to twitch under his gaze, instead, forcing himself forward into the chair opposite the ‘Joy. 

“Oh, boy… I think I’m already in love.” 

* * *

_ “Do you really think Killjoys are bad?” Mikey whispers as they hide behind the door. He can hear their mother talking with their uncle, his elder brother holding onto his wrist with an iron grip.  _

_ “That’s what mother says.”  _

_ “I know, but… what if…” _

_ “They do bad things, Mikey. So they can’t be good.” Gerard hisses. Mikey frowns.  _

_ He’s never seen any Killjoy do something bad. The one he did meet gave him a smile and ruffled his hair, whispering that he could be different, that he had the chance to be happy and free, to think for himself.  _

_ The pills hurt his head, though he tries not to complain about them too much. He contemplates not taking them, but Gerard does, so he does. He always does what his brother asks of him because his brother means well. Gerard is kind, sweet, and his mind is clouded, and that’s all he knows.  _

_ He’s eleven years old when he decides enough is enough, and he dumps the pills down the sink, one at a time, every day, until he decides he has to do  _ ** _more_ ** _ . He doesn’t know how, though. Until he eavesdrops on a conversation about possibly a group of Killjoys making their way into town. That could be his way out.  _

_ All he needs is himself, nothing more. His room is nothing but an empty space he sleeps in, his mother nothing more than a stranger to him. Gerard’s the only one that means anything to him, and he’s so far gone that Mikey doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to save him.  _

_ He’s trapped and it’s impossible for Mikey to help him. All he hopes is that one day they’re not facing each other with guns raised to their faces as they shoot each other down.  _

_ The Killjoys appear, and he sneaks his way out of the house and to where the entrance to the underground is. The Dracs are a long way off, but the Killjoys are right around the corner, and when they see a lonely, cold, little boy, all they think is that he needs help and safety.  _

_ And so he goes with them and never looks back.  _

* * *

_ _

_ Dr. Death Defying waits for him when he arrives in the morning. All he does is wave the kid in and get Mikey to sit down beside him.  _

_ “What’s your name?” The older man simply asks, and Mikey answers him truthfully.  _

_ “Mikey. Michael Way.”  _

_ He gets a nod and a hand on his shoulder.  _

_ “I’m told you were caught trying to flee the city. And that you haven’t taken the pills in a while. How long?” _

_ “About a year.” He says.  _

_ “Ah. Say, Mikeyway, would you like to become a Killjoy?”  _

_ “I was told Killjoys are evil.” _

_ “They’re not.” Dr. D says and Mikey believes him, so he nods.  _

_ “Then yes, I want to be a Killjoy.”  _

_ He gets a smile and, in turn, gives one back.  _

* * *

_ _

_ When he’s fourteen, he meets a group of kids that call themselves The Youngbloods. They take him into their small group, coddling him a little. He forms close relationships with all of them, but most of all with a ‘Joy called Mr. Sandman. One night the two of them are up on the roof of an old, abandoned grocery store when Mikey suddenly speaks up.  _

_ “My real name’s Mikey.” _

_ That day, all those years ago, when he decided he was going to be a Killjoy, he picked a brand new name for himself. Kobra Kid. It came hand in hand with the bright new clothes and the new haircut that he got from Show Pony.  _

_ Sandman raises his eyebrows at his confession.  _

__   
_   
_ __ “Okay. Well, mine’s Pete.” 

_ “Huh.”  _

_ “Pete Wentz,” he clarifies, and Mikey bites his lip because this is the point at which when he admits that his surname is Way and as soon as he says that, it’ll all be over.  _

_ “Mikey Way.”  _

_ Sandman chokes on his own spit.  _

_ “Seriously?”  _

_ Mikey nods. “Unfortunately. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get out.”  _

_ “So you turned traitor.”  _

_ He nods. “I don’t regret it. I do feel guilty though. I left my brother behind, in that hell. I should have done something.”  _

_ “Maybe one day you can.”  _

_ Mikey sighs. “Unlikely.” But he still smiles when Sandman, no Pete, takes his hand.  _

_ “Hey, so, I know this is weird and out of left field, and that this doesn’t have to be awkward between us afterwards, but I really like you.” Sandman stutters.  _

_ Mikey can see the vague blush form on Pete’s cheeks. Mikey feels his cheeks heat up in response. He then sees the terrified look on Pete’s face and he wastes no time crashing his lips into Pete’s, hooking his hand around Pete’s neck to pull him later.  _

_ The other male is stunned for a second before he begins to kiss back. They break apart, both breathing heavily when Pete whispers to him. “Does this mean…” _

_ “Yes. Destroya, I’ve wanted to do that for ages.”  _

_ Seeing Pete’s smile is worth all the guilt he holds about leaving.  _

* * *

_ _

_ Mikey’s fifteen, standing in an abandoned warehouse and staring down a woman he hasn’t seen in years. She’s barely aged, and that scares him. His mother stands there, with her arms crossed, as he keeps a blaster trained on her figure.  _

_ “Michael.”  _

_ “It’s Kobra Kid,” He hisses.  _

_ “Michael,” She repeats. “You’re out here, running with these terrorists, destroying everything you were supposed to protect.”  _

_ “That’s bullshit and we both know it. You’re not protecting anyone, you’re keeping them confined, you’re pushing down their free will.”  _

_ “We are protecting humanity from itself.”  _

_ He walks right up to her and spits in her face, pressing his blaster to her head. She doesn’t move. He doesn’t understand why she hasn’t made a defensive move until she says,  _

_ “Gerard.” _

_ He pushes the barrel of his blaster to her head further, and damn that’s going to leave a bruise.  _

_ “What did you say?” _

_ “Your brother, Gerard. You left him behind with all your responsibilities. But, at least now he won’t question your intentions, only go straight for the kill.” _

_ He freezes. Gerard, what had she told him.  _

_ “What did you tell him? Where is he? Tell me!”  _

_ She attempts to shake her head. He doesn’t let her. “I won’t tell you. Even if I did, he’d shoot you on sight. He hates Killjoys. Even if his brother turns out to be one. If he even remembers that he ever had a brother to begin with.”  _

_ His whole body goes cold. They… they couldn’t do that, could they? Wipe his brother’s memory of him ever existing. Simply leave that hate behind.  _

_ They could, his brain forces him to realise. They could destroy what makes Gerard him. They could tear out his soul and leave a shell behind.  _

_ “You…” _

_ She smiles that cold smile of hers and he spits in her face once more, but then he hears more dracs coming and notices that his blaster’s low and so he pushes her roughly to the ground and adds a little kick to her back as he’s running out.  _

* * *

_ _

Mikey’s seventeen. He knows that much. Pete and him are on a supply run near the city, and Mikey hasn’t been this close to Battery since he left. It’s scary to see, the place still looks the same. He sighs a little as he takes off his helmet, letting it and his hand swing downwards. Pete slides out of the passenger seat, staring out at the city, sand scuffing his boots. It’s only the vague light coming from Battery that lets him see his boyfriend. 

“I miss him.” 

Pete doesn’t need to ask to know who he’s talking about. 

“It’s just… he was so kind. And he only wanted the best for me. He didn’t know anything else but what our parents told him. I think he used to question them back before I can remember, but he stopped. I don’t know what he’s like now… I just…” He wipes away a tear. “I just want to see him again.” 

Pete wraps his arms around Mikey. 

“I know, Kobra.” He squeezes the younger boy tighter. “I know.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave your thoughts in the comments, I always answer your questions.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote both chapter one and two at the same time, so that's why they're coming out at the same time. Hope to get another one out tomorrow, since I'm on such a roll. Perhaps I'll get out two, who knows.

“What’s your name?” The Killjoy asks. Gerard finds himself incredibly nervous. He was supposed to be asking the questions, not the other way around. 

“What?”

“What’s your name?” He repeats. “I want to know your name, ‘cause I like knowing pretty boys names.” 

Gerard forces down the blush with pure willpower. 

“Tell me yours first.” If the Killjoy is going to be like this, he’s going to play along to get as much out of him as possible. 

“Ghoul, baby.” He leans forward, minding the cuffs, and breathes in Gerard’s ear. Gerard shuffles back, to which the Killjoy, no, Ghoul, just laughs at. “Now, why’s such a cutie such as yourself interrogating me? Though, I suppose I’m the one doing the interrogating at this point.” 

“I am the future leader of BLI.”

Ghoul leans back in shock. And then he lets out a little ‘ah’. “So you’re a Way.”

“Yes.” 

“Gimme your first name,” he whines. 

Gerard ignores his pleas. “Do you know why you’re here?”

“Do you?” Ghoul shoots back. “Do you know why I’m here? Why _ you _ are here? You don’t, do you?” 

“Shut up.”

Ghoul lets out a chortle. “Ooh, that’s not protocol. Going off-script are we?” 

Gerard struggles with himself for a few moments, aware of how pointless it would be to continue this nonregulation conversation. He then stands and walks out, but not before saying something he might regret.

“Gerard.”

“Huh?”

“My name is Gerard.”

* * *

He doesn’t know what compels him to keep Ghoul’s name from Korse, but he does it, simply saying that ‘the Killjoy refused to cooperate’. 

He’s forced to go back in the next day, and although he should be reluctant to see Ghoul again, he finds himself intrigued by the Killjoy. He knows he shouldn’t be. He should absolutely despise the Killjoy, and he does. He must. 

“Hi, Gerard!” Ghoul greets him happily. He waves and Gerard sends him a stone-faced expression. Ghoul doesn’t let this phase him. “C’ mon, sit! Sit!

Gerard breathes in and out and then does as the ‘Joy says, and sits down across from him. He gains a little ‘yay’ in response, which he ignores. 

“So… what questions you got for me today? Anything specific aside from, ‘tell us everything you know’? Because I know a lot of things. I know how to build a bomb, how to shoot to kill. But I also know how my friend likes his hair to sit. I know exactly how much gas I need to get from one place to another. I know how to drive, I know how to dance, I know how to play guitar. Honestly, I could go on and on.” 

Gerard also knows he’s not getting anything out of Ghoul that day. Except that he can apparently build bombs, which should be helpful information, but he’s more focused on the fact that Ghoul just told him he can play the guitar and can dance. That he knows how to express himself, and that he’s not afraid to do so. 

So, Gerard _ forgets _ to inform Korse of his learnings that day as well, however meagre they are. 

* * *

Korse seems determined that Ghoul will crack under Gerard, so he keeps sending him in. By the third time he goes in, he’s not even phased by Ghoul’s bubbly personality. 

“How are you this fine morning? Or, I’m guessing it’s morning. Is it?” 

“Yes,” Gerard answers almost by reflex. Ghoul gives him a big smile. 

“You spoke again! Keep doing that!” 

Gerard glares at him. Ghoul just laughs. “Loosen up, Gee.”

Gerard stops, sends him the dirtiest of looks, and storms out. 

* * *

“Hey, I’m sorry about yesterday,” Ghoul apologises the next time he sees him. 

“Doesn’t matter,” Gerard states. 

“But it obviously does. I don’t know what I said, but I know it struck a sore spot of yours, so I really am sorry.” 

“_ Sure _.” 

It doesn’t even occur to Gerard until he leaves that he’d used sarcasm. 

That definitely isn’t normal. 

* * *

The fifth time he goes in, he does so with his head held high, determined to get information out of Ghoul. But not information for BL/Ind. No, he wants to know why Ghoul’s being so nice to him. He doesn’t act like a bloodthirsty monster. 

“Oh, hi Gerard!” Ghoul looks up from where he’s picking at his fingernails. “What’s up.” 

“I want to know something.” 

“I’m not gonna give you guys anything, you are aware of that, right? No secret plans, no maps to our hideouts, nothing.” 

“No… _ I _ want to know something.” Ghoul sits up straighter at this. 

“_ You _ want to know something? Wow, this is really off-script. What do you want to know?” He then pauses before adding. “Wait, I thought they had cameras in here... unless you’re baiting me, which I doubt since I know you so well.”

“You don’t know me at all. And the cameras were all destroyed. They haven’t gotten around to fixing these ones yet. I’m delaying it as much as possible.” 

Ghoul raises his eyebrows. “Delaying it? Oh, you naughty boy.” 

Gerard doesn’t even bother dignifying that with a retort, instead asking the question he’d come in here with. “Why are you so nice?”

Ghoul blinks at him and frowns. “What?” And Gerard repeats his question. 

“Uh… not sure how to answer that, buddy,” Ghoul says. “What exactly do you mean?”

“I’ve always hated Killjoys, why are you different?” Gerard crosses his arms, thinking of his little brother. 

Ghoul hums. “I’m not. I have no clue what you’ve heard about us, but we’re no evil monsters that murder innocent children for fun.” 

Eyes narrowing, Gerard stands quickly, the chair clanging to the ground loudly with the force. “Liar.”

With that he walks out, leaving Ghoul watching him, confusion written all over his face. 

* * *

“You’re back,” Ghoul states simply when Gerard steps back in and shuts the door behind him. 

“I am.”

“Uh… do you want to talk about what happened?”

“Not particularly,” Gerard says as he sits down. Ghoul questions him about it anyway. 

“Why did you call me a liar? I have no idea what you thought I lied about.” He crosses his arms. 

“You lied. Killjoys do ‘_ murder innocent children for fun _’.”

“Woah, what the fuck? No! No, we don’t!” 

“Yes, you do!” Gerard insists, beginning to raise his voice without meaning to. 

“Dude, I have no idea how you got that shit in your head, but no we fucking don’t!”

“Tell that to my brother,” Gerard hisses and pulls his chair to the farthest corner of the room, glaring. 

A tense silence hangs over both of them for what must be ten whole minutes before Ghoul quietly speaks. 

“What happened to your brother?” 

Gerard rubs his face with his hands in what must appear to be an annoyed or tired expression, but he’s actually scrubbing it free of tears. 

“His name was Michael, or Mikey as I called him. He was twelve when I was fifteen. One day he was just… gone. He was taken by Killjoys and killed.” He stands and moves his chair back to the table where Ghoul is, sitting back down. “He was just a kid.”

“I… I’m sorry,” Ghoul reaches out and takes Gerard’s hand. Surprising both of them, he doesn’t pull away. 

They stay like that for a while in comfortable silence, until Gerard catches a look at the time on his watch. He’s been in here with Ghoul for far too long. 

He stands after giving Ghoul’s hand one more squeeze without thinking. 

“Hey, Gerard. I’m really sorry about your brother but… I don’t think it was a Killjoy who killed him.”

Gerard mulls over Ghoul’s words as he sits in the bathroom, flushing pill after pill down the toilet. 

* * *

He already feels ill when he wakes up, having missed his nightly dose. It doesn’t help that he can’t even take a morning one, so he’s aware that he probably looks a little green when he walks in the room to speak with Ghoul again. 

“You don’t look well…” Ghoul observes. He agrees, he feels like he’s going to throw up his breakfast at any minute. He slumps into his usual seat across from Ghoul quickly, not trusting himself to stay on his feet any longer. 

“You sick? Because if so, doesn’t BL/Ind have shit to fix that? And if they don't, get away ‘cause I get sick real easy.” 

“It’s not contagious,” Gerard responds. “And I’m not sick. Not in the normal sense.” He lets his head drop to the table, still feeling queasy. 

“What is it then?” 

“Withdrawal.” 

Ghoul lets out a gasp. And then he leans over to thread his hands in Gerard’s hair excitedly. “You stopped with the pills?” 

“Yes,” Gerard groans into the table.

“This is… This is really, really good!” He bounces up and down. 

“Doesn’t feel good,” Gerard murmurs. 

Ghoul just laughs and runs his hands through Gerard’s hair gently. “You’ll be fine, it’ll pass.”

* * *

The next day he’s feeling a bit better. He’s still worn out by the time he’s gotten to the room though. Ghoul can see it.

“So… no more pills, right?”

“Dumped them in the toilet, so, no.” He grimaces, wondering if it was really the right idea. But Ghoul smiles, and for some reason it makes him feel the slightest bit more energised. 

They stay in awkward silence for a few minutes before Gerard says something completely out of left field. “You said that you know how to play guitar.” 

“Yeah, why?” 

“I…” He hesitates. “I think I used to sing sometimes. We could… I guess what I’m saying is we could make music together. I don’t know how though, you’re a Killjoy imprisoned here, I’m supposed to be inheriting both positions as Director and head Scarecrow.”

Ghoul considers him for a moment before an idea seems to come to him. “We could… just… leave? You can join me out in the desert.”

“What?” Gerard looks at him quizzically. “You mean, me, becoming a Killjoy?” 

“Yeah!” The more time passes, the more Ghoul looks excited.

“No… No, I… I couldn’t.” 

Ghoul pauses. “Why?”

“Well, I mean… I’m, you know… me.” 

“What’s wrong with you?” Ghoul once again reaches over and takes his hands. Gerard’s fingers instinctively curl around his. 

“I’m not… I’m just not supposed to be a Killjoy. I’d make a shit one anyway.”

“How could you think that?” Ghoul asks, horrified. “You’d make an amazing Killjoy! Destroya, let me do this for you. Let me help you escape!” 

Gerard bites his lip, thinking. If he accepts Ghoul’s offer, he could… he could what? What exactly did Killjoys do? 

Whatever they did, Ghoul is apart of it, and if being a Killjoy makes Ghoul as happy as he is, then Gerard sorta wants in. 

“Okay…” He whispers in a small voice, letting his shoulder-length hair hang in front of his gaze. Unsure if Ghoul heard him, he looks up and finds himself face to face with a grinning face. 

After a few more minutes of silence, less awkward this time, Gerard speaks up yet again. 

“What do Killjoys even do? What does it mean? All I know is that Killjoys are terrorists that want the city to burn. That’s all I’ve ever been told.” 

Ghoul giggles and tells him the tale of the Killjoys, of the colour and sound and emotion and in his soul, Gerard knows he’s made the right decision.

* * *

“Tell me about your brother,” Ghoul asks while Gerard struggles with the key to the handcuffs that he’s swiped from Korse’s room. 

“He was sweet. Innocent and sweet. And now, thinking back, I think he always questioned what our parents told us, just not to their faces. He always asked me why Killjoys were bad, and all I could say was that they’d done bad things.” 

“Perceptive.” 

“He was, yeah. He was great…” The handcuffs clatter on the table and they both wince. The room may be soundproof, but they’re still worried. It’s about six in the evening, which means that Gerard should be home, and everyone else is either gone or heading out through the front entrance. Perfect time to duck out the back with Ghoul and sneak through the sewers to where Ghoul had stashed his car back when he first arrived. 

“It’s just… what could have happened to him if he didn’t get killed by Killjoys.” 

“Maybe your parents told you he was killed by Killjoys, but they actually did it. Like, an incentive to piss you off even further. Or… to instil this idea that we’re all vicious murders. I mean, it sorta worked, at least until you met me.” Ghoul says, massaging the red rings around his wrists that are from where the cuffs rubbed them raw. 

“It might be…” He sighs. “I just… they had him. His body, you know. So he’s not just, miraculously alive or anything.” Ghoul rubs Gerard’s back and then does the unexpected and envelops him in a hug. 

“Hey, it’s okay. It’ll be okay. Let’s just get outta here.” 

They creep down the hall and Gerard finally notices how short Ghoul actually is. He’s known that Ghoul is short, but he had no idea he is _ this _ short. There are many things he realises he’s either noticed or not noticed about Ghoul. He’s noticed the tattoos marking Ghoul’s knuckles and hands, others which had been peeking out from under the cuffs, and now he can see them curling up his arms. 

But he’s never noticed the scorpion, or what he thinks is a scorpion, on his neck, semi-hidden under his hair. He’s noticed that admittedly, Ghoul is pretty, but he’s never noticed how pretty he actually is. Beautiful actually.

They make it to the sewers, walk a few more miles, and resurface beside a trans-am painted with bright colours. He’s never seen so much before. The first time he’s ever seen real colour is on Ghoul’s brightly coloured clothes. He’s never seen the desert before either. It’s warm, but he knows it’s going to get really cold soon. 

Ghoul slips his arm inside via a crack between the glass and the outside of the car. He reaches in and there’s the jingle of keys before Ghoul retrieves his hand and the car keys with it. He unlocks it and gets Gerard to slide into the passenger's seat before he takes the driver's seat and starts up the car. It occurs to Gerard that he doesn’t know how to drive and that he probably should learn how to if he’s going to be living in the desert. 

Before Ghoul takes off, Gerard overlaps Ghoul’s hand with his own and pulls the shorter guy closer. He then does something he’s never imagined himself doing in a thousand years. 

He kisses him. And Ghoul kisses back. Gerard moves his hand up to cup Ghoul’s cheek, and his other hand goes behind his neck. Ghoul presses his forehead to Gerard’s, and even after they stop, he makes no signs of moving, instead, breathing heavily on Gerard’s lips, tickling them. 

When he finally does pull back, he keeps one hand of Gerard’s in his, using it to change the gears. The other hand stays on the wheel as he speeds off towards an uncertain future. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> told you i'd get another one out today
> 
> not beta read

It’s so dark and he’s so worn out that Gerard falls asleep not too long into their drive from Battery City. He’s not sure where they’re going, but he trusts Ghoul to take them somewhere safe. 

He wakes up disoriented and scared. There are too many colours and unfamiliar sounds. The warmth from the morning sun feels weird on his face, and the light hurts his unadjusted eyes. He struggles in his seat, the seatbelt keeping him trapped and the small, cramped space making him feel claustrophobic. 

The car swerves as Ghoul panics at his struggle. 

“Hey! Hey, it’s okay! Calm down,” Ghoul says as he slows the car down a little and places a hand on Gerard’s shoulder, keeping him still. Gerard’s breaths come out in quick puffs, but he’s beginning to stop shaking so much. 

“What… what happened? I…”

“You escaped, Gerard. With me, remember?” 

It all comes back to him, the handcuffs, the sewers, the desert, the car, the… the kiss. He slowly nods. “Yeah… I do…” 

Ghoul grins. “Good.”

“Where are we going?” He asks, gazing out the window in wonder. The sky is beautiful, an expanse of blue, sinking low to meet the golden sand dunes and the dry land they speed across. The sun is bright, gleaming against the hood of the car. 

“To see Dr. D. He’ll help us get settled. I also need to make sure Jet knows I’m not dead.” 

“Jet? Dr. D?” 

“Jet Star. He’s an old friend of mine, me and him are a crew. I guess you too now, unless you don’t want to…” He mumbles the last part and in a sudden bout of confidence, Gerard reaches over and kisses Ghoul on the cheek. The way Ghoul’s cheeks heat up makes Gerard laugh, and wow, it’s really the first time he’s laughed in all the years he’s lived. 

He’s free, he realises, he’s finally free.

Ghoul joins him, giggling with a big smile plastered across his lips. 

“Okay, okay,” Gerard says as his laughter dies down. “Who’s Dr. D?” 

“Dr. Death Defying. He does all the broadcasts, knows pretty much every Killjoy, and helps us all. Also… you’re gonna need a name.” 

“A name?” He raises his eyebrows at Ghoul. “What do you mean? I have a name.”

Ghoul chuckles at this. “You really know nothing about Killjoys, do ya. I wasn’t born with the name ‘Ghoul’, silly. I chose it. Like you’re gonna get to choose your brand new Killjoy name.” 

Gerard’s tempted to ask what Ghoul’s _ real _ name is, but bites back his tongue, having a feeling that he really shouldn’t right now. “Okay… so… name.” He hums in thought. “I…”

“If you’re struggling now, we can wait.” 

“Okay…” 

A building appears in distance and they head straight for it, Ghoul swerving to a stop out front. 

It looks a bit like an old diner that Gerard’s read about in books. One where people would go, eat, and just hang out. Just ‘chill’, whatever that means. Ghoul shuts off the engine and gets out, loudly announcing his presence by slamming the car door shut. Much more hesitant, Gerard slides out of the passenger seat, with his hands brushing down the BL/Ind uniform he’s still wearing. 

That’s not good. 

He shoots a worried glance at Ghoul, who simply gives him the thumbs up and a confident smile, strutting inside with a trembling Gerard stumbling after him. Ghoul takes Gerard’s hand and gives it a quick squeeze before dragging him through the unfamiliar territory, into a backroom. 

“Ghoul.” The man’s voice is lower, deeper, and when the guy turns around, Gerard can see the age on his face, the wisdom in his eyes. He looks Gerard up and down, taking in his greasy, long hair, his plain black and white uniform with BL/Ind’s logo plastered on it. He takes it all in until he reaches Gerard’s petrified and nervous expression. He glances down to his hand, which is still clutching Ghoul’s for dear life. “You brought a friend?

“Yeah!” Ghoul says happily, pushing Gerard forward. The guy motions for him to sit, and so he does. 

“I’ll take it from here, Ghoul. You can come get him in a little while.” 

Ghoul gives him a sour look, and then goes over and kisses Gerard on the nose quickly before running off. The door slams loudly behind him and Gerard looks up to take in the guy’s beard and moustache, long, dark hair, and bandana. He gulps. 

“Hey, kid, relax.” 

He doesn’t, but the words are much appreciated. 

“What’s your name?” He asks and Gerard bites his lip. 

  
  
“Gerard…” 

“Alright kid, your name is Gerard. I’m Dr. Death Defying.” 

He lets out a little ‘oh’ noise in realisation. “Oh… okay.” 

“Where did that one pick you up, huh? Did he get himself caught?”

Gerard lets out a little giggle before he can stop himself. “Something like that. I was… I was supposed to be interrogating him or something. Didn’t really work out that way.” 

“You take the pills?” 

“Not anymore. I flushed all of them,” Gerard says.

“Good, so, can I have your surname?” 

“Uh… sure? It’s… Way. Gerard Way.” He then realises what he’s said and freezes, staring in fear. What if they don’t trust him, don’t like him? He… he really doesn’t want to go back. 

But Dr. D doesn’t look mad. He looks contemplative before he motions for him to stand. 

“You want to be a Killjoy, kid? You gotta look like one. Ghoul!” 

Ghoul swings inside with enough velocity to make the whole building shake. He grins as him and Dr. D have a silent conversation with their eyes, and then he’s dragging him out of one room and into another. 

This one is full of colour, life, and is absolutely insane. Ghoul begins to dig through the lot as someone literally skates into the room, pausing to stare at him. He looks them up and down as well. They wear what he assumes is a bike helmet; as well as a crop top; polka-dot, skin-tight leggings; what looks like underwear worn over those; and actual roller skates on their feet. 

“Oh, hey Show Pony!” Ghoul hums as he digs deeper into the mass of colour, retrieving a pair of incredibly faded jeans alongside a black tank top. He tosses them in Gerard’s direction, who hastily catches them, raising his eyebrows. 

As soon as Ghoul can see Show Pony, they wave at him and motion at Gerard with a questioning gaze. Ghoul gives them a shake of his head and then a giddy nod. With that Show Pony skates out and Gerard is left more confused than when they came in. 

“Put ‘em on!” Ghoul grabs Gerard’s shoulders and shakes him before sliding over to close the door. 

“What?” Gerard stutters. “With… with you watching?” 

Ghoul shrugs and Gerard blushes as he strips off his jacket and shirt, Ghoul smirking with a glint in his eye. Gerard goes even redder and he quickly pulls the black top over his head to fit it comfortably on his torso. 

Reaching for his buckle, Gerard huffs and glares at Ghoul until the shorter male frowns and turns around with his arms crossed. Gerard tugs his white slacks off and forces himself into the jeans which are much tighter than he first thought, and he fears he’ll be unable to keep them up. But when he notices a belt accompanying the pile of clothes, he narrows his eyes. 

The fact that they’re so tight was Ghoul’s plan all along, it seems. 

He threads the belt through the hoops, noticing the extra pieces of leather hanging off it. He realises there’s a strap that he has to do up around his thigh, and finds it’s actually a holster. Okay, he can forgive Ghoul… a little. 

“You can turn around,” He says begrudgingly and Ghoul spins around as fast as possible. And proceeds to catcall and wolf whistle until Gerard raises his eyebrows and sighs, shaking his head. 

“Damn, and I thought you looked hot before.” He fans his face. “But now… oh my…” He almost moans and Gerard massages the bridge of his nose. 

“Okay, so, is this it?” 

“Oh, hell no! Come here.” He grabs Gerard’s arm and uses his other hand to grab one of Gerard’s boots, comparing the size to several of the shoes lying about. Once he finds a boot reasonably similar in size, he tosses it in Gerard’s direction. “Try that on.” 

Gerard does as he’s told without question. He shoves it on and, oddly enough, it fits perfectly. Ghoul throws him the other and he puts that one on too, clicking the heels together happily. 

“Alright, I guess that’s kinda it…” Gerard breathes out a sigh of relief. And then notices Ghoul’s mischievous grin. “... for the basics. Now we gotta spice you up!” 

“Uh… what?” 

He digs through the pile again, retrieving a bright blue leather jacket that he forces Gerard into, and then tugs Gerard out the door, into what seems to be a kitchen. Show Pony stands there, mixing a bowl of liquid that makes him nervous. 

“Got ‘im, Pony!” Ghoul’s grip tightens on Gerard’s wrists and his eyes widen, suddenly aware of the looks he’s getting from the both of them, and the looks they’re sharing between them. He’s then shoved into a chair and Ghoul sits across from him, holding his wrists down to the armrests and Gerard’s feet down with his own. 

“Let go!” Gerard yells until something forcibly pulls at his hair, which causes him to let out a yelp. Ghoul keeps that shit-eating grin on his face while Gerard tries with all his might to turn his head. He has no idea what’s going on, especially when he feels his hair becoming weighed down with water and then whatever stuff someone lathers it with. He’s guessing it’s Show Pony behind him because they’ve been noticeably absent from his line of sight for quite a few minutes. 

It feels cold, his scalp, and he still can’t work out whatever the living fuck they’re doing to his hair, but he can’t hear clippers or the snip of scissors, so he’s guessing they’re not cutting it. Maybe giving it a wash, it’s been pretty greasy these past few days, with both the stress of planning their escape, and in general all the work he’s been doing in trying to find out as much as he can about what BL/Ind is doing, that he’s had little time to wash himself let alone his massive mop of hair. 

Show Pony pushes him up out of the chair with his hair still sticky and bunched up on the top of his head. He probably looks like a mess, but he’s got little time to think about it before Ghoul goes dragging him down the back again, to a shelf full of an array of masks, all different colours and styles. 

“Pick whichever one you want.” Ghoul gestures about, turning and seeming to look for something else. Gerard resists the urge to touch his hair and instead browses the masks until he spots a bright yellow one with black diamond eyes and three blue spots. He holds it in his hand and smiles. 

All this Killjoy stuff is starting to feel all the more real. 

He’s then startled when Ghoul shoves something into the holster on his leg, hand trailing up his thigh and over his ass for way too long before backing away and moving around the front of him. 

“Oh, perfect!” He motions to the mask. “It suits you perfectly. And it even goes with your blaster, I didn’t even mean to do that.” 

Gerard squints in confusion before looking down to see that there indeed has been a blaster shoved into his holster. Bright yellow, matching with his new mask. 

A timer goes off somewhere and Ghoul drags him back over to Show Pony, covering Gerard’s eyes until they’re back in the position they were in before and Gerard’s hair is being pulled about again. 

“Let go,” He whines, but he feels a little defeated. Ghoul just shakes his head and shoots him a smile that’s probably supposed to be reassuring. It’s not. 

They probably sit there in silence for a few minutes before Ghoul gestures for him to get up again. He does and just follows him around aimlessly as Ghoul shows off the whole diner and talks about his friend Jet. He can’t quite pay attention, all of his focus being on whatever they’ve both done to his hair. 

Another timer goes off and he’s back in the chair for the third time, only Ghoul is looking a little giddy, pretty much vibrating in his seat with excitement. Excitement for what, he’s not sure. 

Something that feels like a towel rubs at his hair and then he’s finally pushed up for the last time. 

“Oh my destroya,” Ghoul actually does moan this time and Gerard goes red. The shorter male then takes the mask Gerard has been clinging onto since he’d gotten it, and carefully fits it on Gerard’s face before leading him to a mirror. “Close your eyes, Gerard.” 

He does as he’s told and Ghoul positions him accordingly, letting his touch linger a little too long. 

“There. Now open them.”

Gerard does and he can’t believe what he’s seeing. The mask is perfect, the outfit is perfect. 

And… his hair. It’s bright red, right down to the root. He’s never seen anything like it before. The closest would be when he’d once seen a woman with ginger hair, but even that doesn’t compare to the bright, beautiful colour he sees. He can feel the smile materialise onto his face. 

“You like?” Ghoul asks and Gerard turns, grabs Ghoul behind the neck, and smashes their lips together, kissing furiously and wildly. He can feel Ghoul grin into the kiss, and when they break apart, he can still see it beaming at him. 

“Yes.” 

* * *

He sleeps beside Ghoul every night, curling around the smaller figure and holding on for dear life. Some mornings he wakes up not realising where he is and Ghoul always reminds him that he’s free. That they escaped together. 

One morning he finds himself alone in the diner, panicking before realising that Dr. D said he was going out with Pony to visit some old friends while Ghoul was going out on a supply run. 

Gerard still doesn’t have a Killjoy name, so while he technically is a Killjoy, and he looks like a Killjoy, he still can’t bring himself to refer to himself as one until he does have a name. So, with a can of power pup for breakfast, he gets to thinking. And those thoughts bring him to the table right by the door, where an array of old pencils and a few sheets of paper lay about. Someone must’ve dropped them off, he thinks, and picks one up. 

He means to write down a list of possible names but instead begins to sketch. What it is, he’s not sure, but it doesn’t make him any less focused. 

When finished, he realises he’s drawn the symbol on the back of the jacket, the pill and x. 

And the name comes to him. 

By the time Ghoul gets back, Gerard is grinning with many sketches tucked under his elbows as he props his head up by his hands. 

“Why’re you so happy this morning? Or are you just really happy to see me?”

“Nope!” He shakes his head. “I came up with the perfect name.”

Ghoul runs over and slides into the booth, right across from him. “What is it!” He half-whispers excitedly. 

“Party Poison.” 

Ghoul’s eyes widen, he takes Gerard’s hands, and he spins him around. 

“That’s fucking perfect, Gerard. Sorry, Party!” 

Gerard can’t wipe the smile off his own face.

* * *

Mousekat was a really important figure to him while growing up, and now that he’s realised that, wow, he can actually draw, he sketches the character a lot. One day he’s drawing a distorted version of Mousekat when he gets the best idea ever and takes his insane idea to Dr. D, who approves. 

He spends hours creating and finally, it’s finished. 

“Party?! Where are you? I haven’t seen you all day!” Ghoul calls out and Gerard peeks out from where he’s been working, and takes his newly finished project in his hands and puts it on his head. 

“Party?” Ghoul hums as he enters the room and then jumps when he comes face to face with the white face, blue fur, wide eyes, and giant mouth that all make up his creation. A sort of helmet to wear over his head, obscuring his face even more. A giant Mousekat head. 

“What the fuck is that?!” Ghoul pauses as his eyes trail down from the head to Gerard’s clothes. “Party?! Gerard?!” 

Gerard starts laughing, taking the head off and Ghoul begins to laugh as well. 

“Holy shit, you scared me.” 

“I know.”

“It’s fucking amazing though, did you make this all yourself?”

“Yeah.” 

“That’s fucking shinny, baby.” 

* * *

“Hey, Party?”

“Yeah?” Gerard hums, linking his hand with Ghoul’s as they lie on the roof of the Trans-Am, the one that Gerard’s just learnt to drive. It’s weird to think that it’s been over six months since he’d escaped his old life and become something he’d hated for so many years. 

“You know how your name’s really Gerard?”

“Uh-huh,” He nods and shuffles closer. 

“Well, can I tell you my real one?”

“Sure.” 

“Uh, okay. It’s… It’s Frank. How boring is that?” 

Gerard rolls over so that he’s on his side, facing Ghoul, no, Frank. Frank, in turn, rolls over to face him. Gerard takes his face in his hands. 

“I think it’s beautiful, Frank.”

Frank blushes and Gerard pulls him closer. 

“I think I love you, Gerard.”

“I know I love you, Frank.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed, hope to get another out tomorrow


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter. Might be one later as well, I have no clue. 
> 
> Not beta read.

By this point in time, everyone’s heard of Party Poison, information goldmine with a creepy mask and his trademark red hair. Everyone except Mikey apparently. 

“Who?” He asks, and Pete shakes his head in disappointment.

“You haven’t heard of _ the _ Party Poison?”

“No, I haven’t. Who are they?” 

“He’s the guy we’re getting all this privy new information about BLI,” Pete tells him and Mikey raises his eyebrows. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, according to several sources, he knows a bunch of crap about the inside.”

Mikey’s coming up on eighteen and he’s out on a run with Pete when they find two BL/Ind vehicles taken out, windows spray-painted red, green, and blue. Sandman had mentioned that the spider, as well as the pill and x, were the symbols that Party Poison uses. That sparked the conversation they were currently having. 

“Have you met him?” 

“Well… no. But Dr. Benzedrine has and of course, he knows what he’s talking about. Party Poison apparently works alongside _ the _ Fun Ghoul.”

That makes Kobra pause. He may not have heard of Party Poison, but he’s sure as hell heard of Fun Ghoul. Kobra’s never met him, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know who he is. He’s a dead shot, an explosives expert, and a loose cannon. 

“Seriously?” 

“Yeah, it’s insane.” Sandman’s met Fun Ghoul, they’d met on accident out in zone 5 while both being tailed by dracs. Pete talks about the encounter like it was some big thing, when it really wasn’t. They’d just met for a second, shot dracs side by side, then went their separate ways. 

“Anyway, we better get going, there’s nothing left here.” Mikey replaces the helmet on his head and slides into the driver's side of their car. Pete shakes his head, reaches in the back of their car, takes out a can of paint, and scribbles the Youngblood’s logo across the back of the other one, which is the only part left bare. 

The logo itself is a frowning face with crossed-out eyes and a basic three-pronged crown set on its head. It’s simple but effective, and it fits right in with the mess that the other Killjoys had left it in. 

The drive back to their hideout is filled with comfortable silence, Pete resting his head against the window as he hums. 

* * *

_ “Gee, I had a nightmare…” He stands in the doorway to his elder brother’s room, feeling incredibly guilty for bothering him. He should’ve just stayed in bed and tried to get back to sleep. But Gerard sits up in bed, looks at him for a minute, and then gestures for Mikey to come forward. _

_ “Come on, hop in,” he whispers and Mikey immediately does so, curling around Gerard as his brother crawls back under the covers. “What was it about?” _

_ “There were bad people there, Gee. They were hurting you. And me. They had blasters and stuff, had one to the back of your head.” He begins to cry as he explains it. Gerard gently pulls him closer. _

_ “That’ll never happen, Mikey. I’ll never anyone hurt you.” _

_ “I’ll never let anyone hurt you either, Gee,” Mikey murmurs into Gerard’s sleep shirt. _

_ “I know,” Gerard sighs and runs a hand through Mikey’s hair. “I know.” _

* * *

Gerard cries in his sleep sometimes, he knows that. Occasionally Frank will be there to wipe them away, or wake him up before he screams, but sometimes he’s not quick enough and the whole diner gets awoken by his shrill voice crying out for Mikey. 

“You miss him a whole lot, don’t you.” Jet hums one day, watching as Gerard wipes down the counter after re dying his hair. “Mikey, or whoever he is.” 

“My little brother.” 

Jet hums, like he understands. Gerard thinks that maybe he does, in some shape or form. All of them have lost at least someone, a mother, father, brother, sister. The desert is full of loss. 

“Yeah, I do.” He sighs. “I just… I keep seeing him, how he was when they… they brought him back.” 

Jet stands up and throws his arm around Gerard’s shoulder. 

“The Phoenix Witch will look after him, I’m sure she will.” 

He nods and inhales a shaky breath. 

Jet’s the parent he’s never quite had. He’s kind and caring in a way that should feel familiar if he’d had someone to care for him his whole life. He wonders if this is how he used to make Mikey feel, a protector of not just him physically but mentally as well. 

Jet has liked him since the very beginning, taking in the poor, unsure little Gerard under his wing. 

_ “Dr. D! You said something had arrived,” Jet calls as he enters the diner. An unfamiliar Killjoy with bright red hair sits in a booth, curled up with his knees to his chest, staring out the window. A new recruit, maybe? _

_ Someone jumps him while he’s not paying attention and he struggles to keep himself upright. He pushes them off with all his might and the person falls to the ground before bouncing to his feet. And under locks of dark hair, is his old friend beaming up at him. _

_ “Jet!” He cries out, hugging him a little gentler this time. The unfamiliar Killjoy looks up and Jet can feel the weight of his gaze on the back of his neck. _

_ Ghoul jumps about excitedly and Jet wacks him over the head, which earns him a pout and from the unknown ‘Joy, a hostile glare. _

_ “You idiot. Where in destroyas name have you been?” He asks, taking the shorter guy’s shoulders and holding them in place. Ghoul just bites his lip, looking guilty. _

_ “I may have gotten caught…” _

_ Jet’s eyes widen. “What!” _

_ “Yeah… I got out though! On that thought, meet my new friend!” Ghoul escapes Jet’s grip and instead takes his hand, leading him over to the redhead in the corner, who’s now looking up with curiosity. Ghoul then gestures to Jet. “Gerard, meet Jet.” He then gestures to the redhead. “Jet, meet Gerard.” _

_ Gerard sends him a shy smile and Jet immediately likes the guy. _

_ “Hi,” Gerard says in a quiet voice and Jet holds out his hand to shake, which Gerard takes after a few seconds of hesitation. _

_ “You just get here?” _

_ “Yeah.” Gerard nods and Jet pulls him up and out of the booth. _

_ “So, your names Gerard? What about your-” _

_ “He doesn’t have one yet,” Ghoul cuts him off. “We’re still working on it.” _

_ Gerard scuffs his boots together in nervousness, and then shoots Ghoul a look. _

_ “Go on, Gerard. He’ll find out eventually.” _

_ Obviously finding a bout of confidence from Ghoul’s words, Gerard speaks up. “I’m actually Gerard Way… I just thought you should know.” _

_ Way… oh… “Oh…” _

_ “Yeah…” Gerard trails off. “I kinda, helped Ghoul escape and just tagged along I guess…” _

_ “Actually I helped you escape,” Ghoul interrupts Gerard, pointing accusingly. “You came to me, a sweet, lil’, innocent and naive Battery citizen, and I turned you into a kickass Killjoy.” _

_ Gerard bites his lip and blushes a little, and the blush gets worse as Ghoul curls his arm around Gerard’s waist and pulls him close, letting his hand explore lower down his back. Jet gives him a disapproving look and Ghoul simply sends him a smirk. Gerard sends him a helpless look and Jet just knows he’s gonna get along with him all too well. _

“Can you tell me about him?” Jet asks carefully. “You don’t have to, I just thought it might help.” 

Gerard looks him in the eye. “He was… he was a good kid, you know. He was sweet, he showed too much emotion, he came to me whenever he was sad or scared. I was supposed to protect him, look after him. But I…”

Jet leads him into a booth as he begins to break down. “I’ve… I’ve always disliked Killjoys, ‘cause of what lies our mom told us. She always said they were violent killers and tortures. And when she said that they’d gotten Mikey… I couldn’t even imagine what terrible things had happened to him. I know now that they’d lied. That BL/Ind probably took him and killed him ‘cause he wasn’t acting right. Or, so that I’d hate Killjoys even more. A trick to draw out anger and pain. Bloodlust.” 

“I can’t even imagine how hard it is to go through that. But, what I can do is be here for you.” 

Gerard doesn’t reply, simply curling up and crying into Jet’s jacket, clinging onto him for dear life. 

When Ghoul arrives back at base, Gerard has tired himself so much that he’s fast asleep. Ghoul shoots him a sad look and awkwardly carries Gerard to where all the mattresses are kept, lying him down and hugging him around the waist. 

* * *

Mikey doesn’t visit Dr. Death Defying very often, despite all the help the guy has given him. The thought makes him feel a little guilty and he promises himself that he’ll take more time out of his day to visit the guy who helped him in the beginning. 

It’s a little quiet, he thinks, but the place is just as he remembers. He goes straight to the Doctor and knocks three times on the guy’s door. 

“Kobra.” Dr. D says as he looks up to see Kobra Kid in his full attire, complete with his goodluck biker helmet. He remembers when Show Pony, younger back then, picked it out for him, alongside the rest of his outfit. 

_ “What are you doing?” Mikey whines as Show Pony pulls at his hair. As soon as they’re finished with whatever they’re doing, they towel it dry, take out the clippers, and shave the sides of his head. He whimpers as tufts of hair fall to the ground, only to notice that they’re not quite the brown that he’s used to. _

_ They then force him to stand in front of a mirror, with his red jacket hung over his shoulders without his arms pulled through the sleeves, and a plain, yellow helmet in his hands. He stares at the blond hair sitting atop his head, and how his eyes seem to get brighter to fight against his new colour palette. _

_ As the years wear on, he finds more and more things to try on. New boots, jeans that get tighter and tighter, and shirt upon shirt upon shirt. But that helmet and jacket, they stay with him through all the years. _

_ Into his second year in the desert, he discovers a few cans of paint that have been left behind by a group of ‘Joys. He takes his helmet and paints all over it. Show Pony finds it later as it’s drying, and nods in approval. _

_ When he meets Mr. Sandman for the first time, he’s also incredibly enthralled with the thing. _

“Hey, Dr. D. How’re you?”

“Good, kid. You?” He holds out his hand and Mikey takes it, shaking it firmly. 

“Real shinny, thanks for asking. Sorry I haven’t come and seen you in a while.” 

“Not your fault, kid. I’m sure you’ve been busy.” Dr. D turns back to the radio and his pen and paper. 

“Yeah, I have. By the way, do you know who Party Poison is?” 

Dr. D pauses. 

“Yes, why?”

“I’d never heard of him ‘till last night. But according to Sandman, _ everyone _’s heard of him.” Kobra takes a chair from one side of the room and sets it down next to Dr. D. “You know anything ‘bout him?”

“Sure, kid, but I’m not gonna go sharing Party’s secrets.” Party. So Dr. D has met him. Interesting. Of course, it makes sense in a way, Dr. D’s probably met every single Killjoy by now. But, from how casually he’s referencing his name, they had to be on friendly terms. 

“What can you tell me?” 

“Only things you’ve already heard,” Dr. D sighs. Mikey frowns in response and then thinks. An idea suddenly comes to mind. 

“He gives out information on BL/Ind, right?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Can I meet with him?”

“‘Course you can, kid. He’s playing a show out at that old bar I told you youngbloods ‘bout. Tomorrow night. I’ll tell him you plan to show.” Dr. D writes something down and Mikey smiles thankfully before hopping up. He should say hi to Show Pony before he leaves. 

“Kobra,” Dr. D calls over his shoulder and Mikey spins around to look at the guy again. 

“Yeah?”

“I’m curious. What exactly do you want to know? And why do you think Party can help you?” 

Mikey debates answering or not, but decides to. He’s known Dr. D for years, he probably trusts the old guy with his life by now. 

“I… I want information on my brother.”

Dr. D pauses. 

“Your brother?”

“Yeah, Gerard. I want to know if he’s still alive or not. Destroya, I hope he is.” 

Dr. D slowly nods. “I think the guy might be able to give you something. But you’ll have to wait ‘til tomorrow.” 

Mikey sighs and waves goodbye. “See ya later, Dr. D.” 

As he’s on his way out, he catches sight of a short figure approaching Dr. D’s station, and he can hear hushed talking. He shakes off his suspicions, waves at Pony, and jumps back on his bike before taking off. 

* * *

Dr. Death Defying takes time to think after Mikey leaves. His brother, Gerard, had left an hour ago with Jet Star to take care of some dracs, leaving him, Pony, and Ghoul back at base. 

Ghoul swings into his station not long after Mikey exits. 

“Hey, who was that?”

“Kobra Kid.” 

  
“Huh,” Ghoul hums. “It’s weird, he looked… familiar. Don’t you think?”

“I’ve known that kid since he was twelve, of course he’s familiar to me.” Ghoul screws up his face in annoyance. 

“I just… there’s something ‘bout him. I can’t quite put my finger on it.” 

“Don’t know what you’re talking about. Here, take this and give it to Party when he turns up. You two are performing tomorrow night. And Kobra wants information from Party.” 

Ghoul grimaces and takes the bit of paper handed to him. “Of fucking course he does.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter. The Youngblood's symbol is the one from the save rock and roll era. I hope you know what I'm talking about.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's a fun chapter. get ready.
> 
> not beta read

Kobra skids to a stop at The Youngblood’s base, running inside to meet up with Sandman. His dark-haired boyfriend jumps out of his seat as soon as he hears the bike pull up. 

“Kobra! You’re back!” 

“Hey, Sandman,” Mikey says as he throws his arms around Sandman. “I’ve got something to tell you.” Mikey then leads Pete down the row of shelves to somewhere more secluded, over by what used to be a refrigerator. They are trying their damn hardest to get the thing working again, but so far they aren’t having much luck.

“What is it?” 

“Okay, so, I went to see Dr. D.” 

“Seriously? You were supposed to be grabbing us a few batteries.”

“I did, I did. I was just close by and decided to drop in. He hasn’t changed, by the way.” Kobra settles up against the glass and Pete slides down, shuffling close to put an arm around the blond’s shoulders. 

“Okay, go on.” 

“He said he knows Party Poison.”

“Holy shit… wait, that makes sense.” Pete pushes Mikey’s head onto his shoulder with his free hand. “So… what else?”

“He arranged for me to meet with him.” Mikey smiles and Pete gasps. 

“Shit, that’s awesome. I’d love to meet Party Poison.”

“I’m after answers from him, you dumbass,” Mikey sighs. “I want to ask him about Gee.” 

Pete frowns sadly. “Oh…”

“It’s fine, I’m kind of excited to meet the famous Party Poison too.” Mikey lets his arm snake around Pete’s waist. “The weird thing is, Dr. D asked me what I wanted to know, and when I told him, he said Party Poison might know.”

  
“That’s good news, isn’t it?”

“I hope it is.” 

* * *

_ Ghoul loves trashing up the city. Battery city is a blank canvas and he has paint cans in buckets. He puts up his usual symbol, adds Jet’s for good measure, and then just has fun spreading colour across the walls. _

_ He writes words across the buildings, lyrics he comes up with on the spot, simple ones such as, “I got a bulletproof heart.” to longer ones such as “Gravity, don't mean too much to me. I'm who I've got to be. These pigs are after me.” _

_ He’s just finishing a line when he hears footsteps. He tosses an empty paint can into a bush and runs. He runs as fast as he can, giggling the whole time. He can feel the wind in his hair, he can almost taste the desert air as he rounds a corner. _

_ And he’s slammed to the ground. He wrestles with the drac holding him down, struggling to get his ray gun out, and when he finally manages that, he’s shooting randomly, panic overtaking him. He grabs at his pocket, digging through it to find a small box with a wick, which he lights with a blast from his gun. _

_ He tosses it into the fray and it takes out a good amount of the dracs, and he gets running again, finding himself inside one of the main buildings. A genius idea springs to mind. He was only supposed to paint, but what harm would it do to take down the whole BL/Ind security system? _

_ He shoots dracs down left and right, making his way to the control room with ease, before he begins to destroy everything in sight, finally just deciding to drop a bomb and get the fuck out of there. He shoots down cameras as well, in case there’s another control room he doesn’t know about, and that’s where he makes his fatal mistake. _

_ He gets tackled again, and his blaster breaks free from his grasp, sliding away on the smooth surface of the flooring. He’s also out of dynamite, homemade explosives, and even basic gunpowder, even if he had something to light those with. _

_ There’s an arm pressing into the back of his neck, arms holding his ankles and wrists down to the ground, and he’s painfully aware of someone kneeling on his back, knees digging into it on either side of his spine. His face is being crushed into the cold tile, and he’s struggling to look up as he sees feet and legs come into his field of vision. _

_ “Take him down the back. He’s perfect for the test.” Ghoul’s eyes widen and he struggles more, which only achieves to bring him more excruciating pain. His face twists in agony and he clenches his teeth in order to not let out a scream. The figure leans down until he can see the guy’s face. _

_ It’s Korse. The infamous Scarecrow. Great. _

_ “Now… who are you?” He asks without really expecting an answer. _

_ Ghoul responds by spitting at his feet, aiming for the face but missing. In return, the bones in his face are pretty much crushed into the ground. The arm pressing into the back of his neck makes it feel like it’s about to snap, and his ribs feel like they’re about to crack any second with the amount of force being put on top of them. _

_ He does scream this time, which only makes Korse laugh a little. _

_ Then he’s hit over the head and wakes up with an ear-splitting headache, and cuffs around his wrists. He’s in a white room, his usual clothes still on, but his blaster missing and his vision still swaying. He can also tell there’s going to be bruises on his back and neck, but he’s glad that his nose isn’t broken and he thinks his ribs are okay, again, maybe a little bruised, but not cracked. _

_ He’s only just starting to see straight again when the door creaks open and Korse walks in. _

_ “Killjoy.” _

_ “Korse.” He screws up his nose in disgust. “Are you the one to question me today? You’ll get nothing, you are aware?” _

_ “Oh no, not me.” _

_ Ghoul raises his eyebrows in confusion. _

_ “Someone else. I know he’ll be able to get something out of you.” _

_ Ghoul then raises one eyebrow. “Seriously. You believe you have someone who can crack _ me _ ? How stupid are you?” _

_ Korse simply chuckles and walks out. Ghoul is left in an empty room, plain and simply boring. Couldn’t they spice it up a bit? Even a touch of black would make it a little more interesting. _

_ He wonders who this new guy will be. And what they’ll be like. He’s guessing it’ll be someone just like Korse, old, ugly, and evil. Basic shit really. _

_ He’s not sure how long he’s in there before he hears footsteps. Korse has returned, but there’s an extra pair of feet following him. They’re a little softer on the ground. A woman maybe? No, Korse had said ‘he’. He sinks his head down as he tries to work it out if anything just to give his mind something to do. _

_ The door swings open and shut quietly, and his interrogator pauses. He looks up at the exact same time the other guy does. They lock gazes. He then lets his eyes trail up and down the guy. He’s young, maybe a year or two older than Ghoul himself, and he bounces on his heels, visibly nervous. He’s got long, dark hair, and green eyes which are dulled by the black and white uniform he wears. _

_ At least Ghoul can actually see his face, no ugly mask or anything. Actually, the guy’s quite attractive, hot even. Shiny. _

_ He looks way too nervous to be a normal BL/Ind officer, uncomfortable, uneasy. _

_ Ghoul can see the fear in his eyes. But he can also see the desperation and curiosity. He can break him, he knows it. He can break him and then put him back together and then set him free. _

_ So all he does is lick his lips and say the first thing that comes to mind, which happens to be 100% true. _

_ “Oh, boy… I think I’m already in love.” _

* * *

_ His name is Gerard, and Ghoul is so in love with his awkward and quirky nature. He runs his mouth a few times, making sure Gerard doesn’t get anything of real substance to tell Korse, but by the third time he comes back, Ghoul already knows that Gerard isn’t giving anything up. _

_ He’s also a Way. A fucking Way! Makes sense why he’s been forced into this life. Explains the way he looks so caged,so scared, so trapped. Ghoul becomes more and more determined to get the guy out. _

* * *

_ He calls Gerard ‘Gee’ and the guy flips out. When he comes back, Ghoul manages to have enough of an effect that Gerard scrounges up some sarcasm. _

_ And then Gerard says something that makes Ghoul think. _

_ ‘Liar’ Gerard had said. He’d called Ghoul a liar. But what had he lied about? _

_ Nothing. When Gerard comes back, Ghoul questions him about it and gains a story instead. A story of a brother cruelly taken away from his home, away from Gerard. Gerard says that Killjoys took him away, and that’s why he hates Killjoys, but that makes Ghoul think. _

_ Killjoys wouldn’t do that. But BL/Ind would. BL/Ind would do that in a heartbeat if they believed it would help their empty, cold world function better. And it would, it would pour hate into Gerard, instil the ideals of BL/Ind, desensitise him to the fact that Killjoys are human, are like him. _

_ Ghoul neglects to tell Gerard his theories, but he does mention that it wouldn’t have been a Killjoy. He can’t tell if Gerard believes him or not, but it’s a start. _

* * *

_ The next day, Gerard looks painfully ill. Ghoul gets sick all the damn time, so he quickly leans away, because being captured yet healthy is much better than being captured and violently ill. _

_ Gerard slumps into the chair across from him, and Ghoul quickly asks him what’s wrong. Because no matter how much Ghoul hates getting sick, it hurts to see Gerard like this. _

_ “You sick? Because if so, doesn’t BL/Ind have shit to fix that? And if they don't, get away ‘cause I get sick real easy.” _

_ “It’s not contagious,” Gerard responds. “And I’m not sick. Not in the normal sense.” Ghoul scrunches his face up in confusion as Gerard lies his head on the table, looking like he’ll throw up any minute. _

_ “What is it then?” Ghoul hums, shuffling forward now that he knows it’s not gonna bite him in the ass later if he gets too close. He’s curious. What does Gerard mean, ‘not in the normal sense’? _

_ He gets his answer in the form of one word, “Withdrawal.” _

_ Suddenly it makes sense. And Ghoul’s heart bounces in his chest. Withdrawal could mean anything, but this… this is the side effects of not taking the pills. He’s seen it before, usually from Killjoys who have pills forced down their throats by BL/Ind employees during their capture, making Ghoul very lucky to not suffer the same fate, yet. But he’s also seen it from young kids fleeing Battery City. They’re rare, but they get a whole of a lot sicker than an escaped Killjoy. _

_ The longer you take them, the worse it is when you don’t. And Gerard, who has to be at least nineteen, twenty, has been taking them his whole fucking life. _

_ Just the thought of what Gerard’s going through makes Ghoul queasy. He reassures Gerard that it’ll get better, because it always does, and when Gerard leaves, swaying on his feet a little, Ghoul feels only the slightest bit guilty because he should be able to do more for the poor, lost soul. _

* * *

_ He makes sure Gerard hasn’t taken them again the next day, because he’s looking better already. But once Gerard sits down, Ghoul can see the bags under his eyes and the faint tremble in his fingers. _

_ “So… no more pills, right?” _

_ And when Gerard confesses that he’s dumped them down the toilet, Ghoul lets out a sigh of relief. Then Gerard tells him he can sing, and that they could play together, and Ghoul knows it’s time. Time to bring up his plan, his idea for them to just go, leave together. _

_ The smile on Gerard’s face as he animatedly tells him all about what Killjoys really do makes Ghoul feel happier than he has been in months, maybe even years. _

* * *

_ They escape, and then Gerard kisses him, and everything is perfect. _

* * *

“This the place?” Mikey asks and Dr. Benzedrine nods, leading the four youngbloods inside. Pete threads his fingers with Mikey’s and squeezes them tight. 

It’s dark, there’s music blasting around them, and a bar has been set up, full of drinks scrounged up from all over. Most of it is wine, the stuff tasting interesting on his tongue. If he’d been born twenty years earlier, he wouldn’t be able to drink the stuff, but nowadays it doesn’t matter how old you are, just as long as you can pay. 

Not their fault if you’re so drunk that you crash. People don’t get drunk much these days anyway, not without someone sober by their side. It’s essential to be on guard at all times. 

Pete leads him over to the bar and bargains with the guy to get a cheaper price when someone saddles up to him. 

“Hey. Dr. D said your name was Kobra Kid.” 

Mikey nods, unsure of where this is going. The guy has long, curly hair, and has kind eyes and a caring smile. It’s rare to find someone so nice in the desert, especially to strangers. 

“I’m Jet Star.” 

He’s heard that name before. Alongside Fun Ghoul and Party Poison, Jet Star is one of the most well known ‘Joys out there, so it’s interesting that he’s picked out Kobra to talk to. 

“Cool,” Mikey responds. 

“I was told you’re here to talk to Party.” 

Party Poison, fuck, he’d almost forgotten. The prospect of talking to Party Poison makes his heart speed up, the thought of finding out just whatever is happening to his brother. 

“Yeah… yeah, I am.” 

“Well, he’ll be out back to talk in a few minutes, I’ll come get you.” 

Mikey nods quickly. As soon as Jet Star leaves, Pete returns with their drinks. He gulps his down fast and Pete raises his hands in surrender. 

“Woah, calm down. What’s wrong?”

“That was Jet Star.” He allows Pete to look starstruck for a few seconds before he continues. “He said Party Poison’ll be waiting for me out back in a few minutes.”

“That’s awesome.”

“I just… I’m so scared. What if he can’t tell me anything? What if he tells me that they’d found Gerard dead in a ditch somewhere, taken out by Killjoys. Or that he takes fun in torturing ‘Joys. What if-”

“Shhh,” Pete hisses and covers his mouth. “Calm down, okay. It’ll be okay. We can go... if you want?”

“No… no, I need to know. I… I just…” Pete wipes at Mikey’s eyes as he struggles on to cry. “I just really want him to be okay. Destroya, I never should have left him.” 

By the time Mikey’s sorted himself out, Jet Star has returned. 

  
“Ready?”

“Yeah.” 

Pete waves him goodbye and Mikey breathes in and out, preparing himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ehehe
> 
> cliffhanger
> 
> now to never finish this. no, i'm joking. new chapter either later today or tomorrow


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prepare yourself. no joke, get ready. 
> 
> not beta read
> 
> EDIT: I shifted some things around so that it flows better. so now it's in three parts, not two.

The walk to the backroom makes Mikey’s heart pound harder with every step. It feels like time is speeding up and before he knows it, Jet’s opening the wooden door and then swinging it shut behind him. He jumps at the sound and then looks at the figure standing in front of him. 

When Pete mentioned the terrifying head, Mikey didn’t expect it to be _ this _ terrifying. It looks familiar somehow, but Mikey brushes the thought off and takes his eyes off the creepy thing as fast as possible. 

Party Poison wears tight, washed-out jeans, a dark blue leather jacket with a dead pegasus logo, and plain old combat boots. If not for the head, the guy would be just plain ordinary. 

Mikey just stares for a minute before clearing his throat. 

“You’re Party Poison.” 

The figure looks him up and down, and then slowly nods. 

“Good. I need to ask you a question.” 

Another nod. 

“You… do you have information on certain individuals from the inside? Who work for BL/Ind?”

Yet another nod, even slower this time. Mikey hopes that it doesn’t mean Party’s uncertain. 

“Can you…” Mikey can barely bring himself to utter the name. But he pushes through. “Can you give me information on Gerard Way. The son of the director?”

Party’s hidden eyes bore holes through the head and seem to stare straight at Mikey. He gulps, pushing down his fear. Then Party, excruciatingly slowly, nods. 

Mikey lets out a shaky sigh. “Is he… do you know if he’s alive?”

Another nod. Can he not speak? Or is he choosing not to? 

“Is he?”

He almost wants to close his eyes as to not see the answer, or turn around and go back to Pete and the rest of The Youngbloods and book it out of there. Forget this encounter ever happened. But he forces his eyes open and watches as Party nods again. 

“Oh, thank destroya,” he breathes out. 

Party tilts his head. The guy’s silence is getting to Mikey. 

“Is he… okay?”

Party tilts his head again like he doesn’t quite understand the question. Mikey shakes his head. “Damn it, okay, breathe Kobra, breathe.”

Party pauses and seems to stare again. Mikey ignores it. “Okay… do you know where he is?”

A nod. 

“Where is he?”

Nothing. 

“Where. is. he?” Mikey repeats firmly. Party stays still. “Come on, tell me. Please! I need to know.”

Party doesn’t say a word. Frustration causes Mikey to scrub at his eyes, tears welling in them. 

“Please… please just tell me. He’s… he’s really important to me. It doesn’t matter why, just know that he is.” 

Party begins to move forward, and soon enough, the creepy face is right in his own. Mikey walks backwards until his back hits the door, and Party stops right in front of him. Mikey can feel his breaths coming in and out faster and faster, and he’s trying not to let tears fall from his eyes.

Party’s hands take Mikey’s, and lift them up, forcing Mikey to help him remove his creepy helmet, and Mikey looks away when he spots bright red locks. He keeps his gaze focused on the wall beside him, and only looks at Party when the red-haired guy places his hands on either side of Mikey’s face and forces him to look. 

Tears slide down Party Poison’s face in quick succession. They only serve to make his green eyes even brighter than before. And he’s seen those eyes before. In the dark of the night, when he had a bad dream and he was scared. Across the breakfast table, smiling because his lips couldn’t. And those eyes haunt him in his dreams. The guilt, the pain, the regret. 

“Gee…” Mikey whispers, shaking. 

“Mikey,” He hears Party’s voice and he knows. He knows that it’s his brother he’s looking at. His brother with bright red hair and a bright blue jacket and bright green eyes. “I’m right here.” 

Mikey lets everything go, beginning to cry. Party, no, Gerard takes him into his arms, holding him close. He sobs loudly into Gerard’s leather jacket, mumbling apology after apology after apology. Gerard simply rubs his back and runs his hands through Mikey’s hair, whispering ‘it’s okay, it’s okay’ every time Mikey says sorry. 

* * *

When Dr. Death Defying mentions a guy called Kobra Kid wants to meet with him for information, he doesn’t think it’s going to be any different than usual. When Ghoul warns him that something’s up, Gerard nods and tells him that he’ll be cautious. 

“Your guy’s here, Party!” Jet informs him and he slinks away from the side of the stage where Ghoul’s fiddling with his guitar and a bunch of cords, after a quick peck on the cheek of course. He picks up Mousekat on a whim. Sometimes he wears it to meet with clients, sometimes he doesn’t. But due to the current absence of his bright yellow eye mask, he left it back with Show Pony after they took it to repaint, he has to take what he’s got. 

The backroom isn’t very warm, but he doesn’t expect it to be, and in all essence, is a bit of a breath of fresh air from the crowded bar, despite being closer to the stage where fewer people were. 

The guy known as Kobra Kid steps through the door not long after, the blond proceeds to jump as the door slams shut. When he turns to look at Gerard, his heart stops. 

Kobra Kid… is Mikey. Michael Way is Kobra fucking Kid.

Gerard hides his shock well behind Mousekat, and Kobra, no, Mikey looks him up and down. He does so as well. He notes the things Ghoul informed him of, bright red jacket and blond hair. He also wears a yellow and black shirt with some sort of animal pattern, alongside black skinny jeans and plain black boots. 

It suits him. 

“You’re Party Poison?” 

Gerard can’t even speak. Because Mikey’s voice, while deeper, is also so much the same. So he just nods. 

He continues to nod as Mikey circles through a couple yes and no questions. Until he says something that makes Gerard pause. 

“Can you give me information on Gerard Way. The son of the director?”

Mikey wants to know about him. Oh god, Mikey wants to know about him. 

He nods again, albeit slower this time, praying Mikey will just stop there. 

“Is he… do you know if he’s alive?”

Nod.

“Is he?”

Nod.

Gerard then waits until Mikey addresses him again. 

“Is he… okay?”

Destroya, Gerard isn’t sure how to answer that one. It isn’t that simple. Is he… okay? He doesn’t know. Maybe? Mikey still doesn’t know it’s him, he’s not quite ‘okay’. Getting closer, though. He stares at Mikey as his brother talks to himself before turning back to him. 

“Okay… do you know where he is?”

Nod.

“Where is he?”

Gerard can’t speak. He refuses to.

“Where. is. he?” 

He can’t say anything. Mikey wipes at tears that threaten to escape his eyes.

“Please… please just tell me. He’s… he’s really important to me. It doesn’t matter why, just know that he is.” 

Gerard begins to cry. He can’t hold it in. He just… can’t. He moves forward, startling Mikey until his brother is against the wall and Gerard is forcing him to remove Mousekat. 

Mikey pointedly looks away, and Gerard grabs his face with both his hands, forcing their gazes to lock. 

“Gee…” They’re both crying as Mikey says it. 

“Mikey… I’m right here.” 

Gerard then takes Mikey into his embrace and lets his baby brother cry into his jacket, sobbing loudly, pleading forgiveness and repeating apologies. Gerard doesn’t know why he’s apologising, Gerard doesn’t blame him for anything. So all he says is what’s true. 

“It’s okay. It’s all okay.” 

* * *

When Mikey pulls away, he’s still crying, and so is Gerard. 

“I just… I don’t… I don’t understand… how are you…” Mikey can barely speak. Gerard takes one of his hands and leads him further into the room, forcing him into a squeaky chair and then sitting across from him. 

“Hey, just… let’s just calm down and work this out, huh?” Gerard bites his lip but he’s smiling. Mikey smiles through the tears as well. 

“Okay…” 

They both take a moment to breathe and then look up at each other again, and Mikey feels like he’s about to burst into tears again. But he doesn’t. Instead, he forces himself to take even breaths in and out. 

  
“Alright,” Gerard speaks first. “So, you’re not dead.”

“No?” Mikey wipes his eyes and shakes his head, leaning over and chuckling a bit. He doesn’t understand. Why would... “What are you…”

“They told me that!” Gerard reaches over and seizes his shoulders. “They told me that you were dead. I… I _ saw _ you.”

Mikey is confused for a moment before he slowly comes to a realisation. His mother’s words come back to him. 

_ “...at least now he won’t question your intentions, only go straight for the kill.” _

“Oh fuck. Gee… Oh no…” Gerard’s crying again. Mikey pulls him to his chest, running his hands through his brother’s hair. “I can’t believe they did that to you. I’m… I’m alive, okay. I’m right here.” 

Gerard slowly stops and instead begins to giggle and it’s a beautiful sound that Mikey has never heard before. He instantly records it to long term memory. 

“Not dead, got it?” 

Gerard pulls back with a nod, smiling. “Fuck, Destroya. Where have you been?”

“In the desert.”

“Right, you’re Kobra Kid now, right?” 

“Yeah,” Mikey confirms and then adds,” But you can still call me Mikey.” 

“Same goes for you Mikes. Still free to call me Gerard or just Gee. No need to call me Party. Unless you want to,” Gerard says, shrugging loosely. “Have you been out here this whole time?” 

“Since I was twelve? Yeah.” 

“Oh…”

Mikey then suddenly frowns and glares at him. “What about you, Gee. How long have you been out here? Fuck, I was so fucking worried about you. I should have come and found you.” He starts to feel guilty again without meaning to.

“I haven’t been here long. At least, not as long as you have. Maybe a bit over six months.” He shrugs again. And then stands, knocking his chair back. Mikey copies his action, but his chair doesn’t fall, just wobbles a little. “Shit, Ghoul. Let’s go, he’ll help explain.” 

“Ghoul? Fun Ghoul?”

Gerard grips tightly to his hand and pulls him back through the door, dragging him across the crowded bar and towards a dark-haired guy who looked around his age. 

“Ghoul!” Gerard calls out loudly. The guy notices them and frowns in confusion. 

“Party? I thought you were with… oh! You’re Kobra Kid.” 

Gerard looks giddy, another expression Mikey has _ never _ seen on his face. He memorizes that too. 

“Ghoul, Ghoul! Look at me.” Gerard grabs the side’s of Ghoul’s head, which the guy doesn’t seem to mind, and forces Ghoul to look at him. He then moves so that Ghoul is looking directly at Mikey, who glances at Gerard. “Now look at him.”

It’s weird, seeing his brother so animated and lively. He never used to be like that, but Mikey’s guessing that without the pills, Gerard is much more excitable and giggly. Happier. Mikey realises suddenly that this is the first time that he’s seen Gerard _ feel _ something. 

“Yeah, and… oh, shit, that’s weird…” Ghoul looks back and forth between the brothers. “It’s almost like you…”

“Lookalike?” Gerard blurts out and Ghoul nods. 

“Yeah…”  


“Ghoul… Ghoul, listen, I…” Gerard’s voice is thick with emotion. Ghoul seems to notice right away, grasping Gerard’s shoulders. Gerard’s shaking at this point and Mikey wants to step in, he really does, but before he gets the chance, his brother speaks again. “It’s… it’s him! It’s…” He breaks off in a sob and Ghoul tightens his hold, looking panicked. 

“Him? What?”

“It’s-it’s…” Gerard can barely say the words. “It’s Mikey!” He whines and Ghoul freezes, turning his eyes to look Mikey up and down. Mikey himself is unable to move, unable to do anything under Ghoul’s gaze. 

“Shit, Party… Gerard, look at me,” Ghoul pleads, Gerard does after a minute. “Look.” 

“Destroya, I am so fucking happy.” Gerard suddenly throws his arms around Ghoul and the shorter male snakes his arms around Gerard’s waist. Gerard then begins to pepper Ghoul’s face with kisses, each more intimate than the last. 

Mikey watches without even a single finger twitching. Gerard then pulls away, wrapping his arm around Mikey and pulling him close.

Ghoul holds out his hand and Mikey takes it. 

“Fun Ghoul.” 

“Kobra Kid… Or, Mikey, as you heard.”

“I’ll use whichever you prefer.”

“Kobra.”

“Kobra it is then!” Ghoul grins, and then there’s commotion and someone’s calling out his name. He spins out of Gerard’s grasp quick enough to catch Pete, who jumps him as soon as he sees him. 

“Kobra, where the fuck were you. You took so long!” He whines, before suddenly remembering what they were there for, and sobering up. “You get the information?”

“Information?” Ghoul asks Gerard, who just waves him off.

“I got something better, Sandman,” Mikey tells him and grabs Gerard’s jacket, pulling him over. Pete’s eyes widen when he takes it the red hair and blue jacket. He knows there’s only one ‘Joy with that hair. 

“Party Poison?!”

“Or, Gerard Way,” Gerard holds out his hand. Pete stops and stares at him before he blinks and almost faints into Mikey. 

“Your… your brother is Party Poison?!” He yelps when Mikey pinches him. 

“Shut up, everyone will hear you.” No one is looking, yet, but it’s only a matter of time. 

Pete nods, and Ghoul gestures to the door leading outside. “Out there, yeah?” 

“C’mon,” Mikey hisses and drags a starstruck Pete out the door. Not a moment later, Gerard is carrying a grinning Ghoul on his back. 

Once the door is closed and the cold wind is nipping at their necks, Gerard lets Ghoul slide to the ground, and the guy jumps to his feet. Pete has stopped staring now, he’s just waiting for an explanation. And honestly, so is Mikey. 

“Okay, so you were gonna tell me?”

“Uh, yeah, it’s my fault really,” Ghoul says as he twiddles his thumbs, biting his lip. “You see, he was sent to interrogate me. I convinced him to run away with me.” 

“And become a Killjoy,” Gerard inputs. 

“And become a Killjoy,” Ghoul finishes. 

“Well… that’s…”

“Not as complicated as you thought? Trust me, it was. I just summed it up.” Ghoul shrugs and intertwines his fingers with Gerard’s again. Mikey makes a note to ask about that later. 

“I kinda figured.”

“I went to see Dr. D, and he got me set up. And Show Pony did this.” Gerard gestures to his hair.

“Freaked him out doing it,” Ghoul sniggers. 

“That’s ‘cause I had no idea what the fuck you were doing. You coulda been shavin’ my whole head off,” Gerard quips back and Ghoul giggles, running his hands through Gerard’s bright red hair. 

  
“I wouldn’t do that, don’t you trust me, love.”

“Wait, Dr. D… Dr. D has met you… He… he knew?!”

“Oh, shit, that didn’t even occur to me,” Ghoul says.

“What didn’t?” Gerard drops his hand from where he was threading it through his hair. 

“Dr. D knew. He knew Mikey was alive, and he knew you were out in the desert. And he didn’t… tell you?”

“Motherfucker,” Gerard hisses.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get him back for it.” Ghoul then jumps on Gerard’s back again, causing the redhead to stumble. “Now c’mon, we got a show to play!”  


“‘Course. Come watch, Mikey.”

Mikey gives him a blinding smile, and even Pete is caught off guard. 

“Okay, Gee. Okay…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave comments, tell me what you thought.
> 
> :) hope you enjoyed. haven't decided if this is the end yet. might not be. who knows.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> epilogue. or something like that. hope you enjoy :)
> 
> not beta'd. looking for beta reader

_ Gerard sighs, looking out the window of his bedroom. He can’t sleep, because he can’t stop thinking of Mikey. He’s been missing for a week, and Gerard’s sorrow is only growing worse and harder to hide. He almost slipped up the morning prior, almost bursting into tears while at the breakfast table. _

_ He knows Mikey’s not coming back. He’s sorta accepted it. That doesn’t mean he has to be happy about it. All he sees as he closes his eyes is Mikey being brutally murdered. It’s different every time. Sometimes it’s rayguns, sometimes it’s bombs, sometimes it’s just a blade. But it always ends in Gerard holding his baby brother in his arms as the boy screams his name until he goes still, and Gerard can’t even move until it’s too late. _

_ The killers, or Killjoys, in his dreams, are faceless. They blur together and duplicate, and it’s hard to focus on anything except for the weapon in their hands. _

_ He tries not to fall asleep, because he doesn’t want to have another nightmare. At least his screams and cries can be muffled with his pillow, and his room is semi-soundproof, mostly because of his mother telling him that she didn’t want to hear anything he was doing, which he can understand in a way. _

_ His thoughts are interrupted by someone knocking gently on his door. That’s not routine. It’s still dark out, the crescent moon being the only source of light. He looks to his door, holds his breath, and waits. The door creaks open and he can make out his mother’s silhouette standing there, formal and cold, no warmth or kindness escaping her presence. _

_ “What are you doing awake?” She asks sternly. He forces down the urge to shrug. _

_ “I couldn’t sleep.” _

_ She blinks at him. “Do you need a higher dosage of pills?” _

_ “Not sure. Perhaps.” He sits up fully, addressing his mother. “What is it you are after, mother?” _

_ “Your brother has been found.” She walks further into the room, crossing her arms. His breath catches in his throat. She calmly sits on his bed, crossing her legs in a sort of awkward way. He’s not sure what her goal is. _

_ “He’s…” _

_ “We are preparing a burial for him that will take place tomorrow.” _

_ His heart shatters. She takes her hand and does something completely out of character, running her hands through his dark hair. It only lasts for a moment, and then she’s back to sitting firmly on the bed, with her arms crossed. _

_ “You will be on your best behaviour, the city will mourn for Michael. You will not cry, or make a sound. You will simply go, see the body, and then we will leave.” She then stands up. “Now sleep, I will speak with your uncle about raising the dosage of your pills.” She then pauses and runs her hand through his hair again. “Be ready to leave in the morning, we can’t have you being late. And wash your hair, it’s disgusting.” _

_ Once she leaves his room, the door swinging shut behind her, he lets out a breath. Everything she did terrified him, whether it meant scolding him or sitting at his side. But that… she’s never done anything remotely portraying affection before. It’s something out of the ordinary, the only person to ever share an intimate moment like that with him would be his brother, curled up at his side after having a bad dream, or getting especially punished by Korse. _

_ Just the thought of Mikey being gone. Gone for good. It hurts him. It hurts him so much and he hates everything. _

_ The morning comes too quickly. He scrubs his hair roughly, makes sure his suit is perfect, and watches his dull green eyes in the mirror. Sometimes he just wishes they were brighter. But he shakes off those wishes. He knows his emotions and thoughts get the better of him at night and early in the morning before he takes his pills, but he also knows that his mother will fix this. _

_ Maybe. _

_ He leaves his room exactly a single minute early, right after tossing a pill into his mouth, and waits for his mother to descend the stairs with her heels clicking on the floor. He’s only fifteen and he’s taller than her, even with the heels, but she still scares him. One she joins him at the bottom of the steps, he holds out his hand as she taught him to and she takes it. _

_ The citizens of Battery City seem to all know what’s going on, standing on their perfectly trimmed grass or on the crackless concrete lining the sides of the street. His mother takes the lead, dragging him down the middle of the silent street as people hang their heads. _

_ A surge of anger fills him that he quickly pushes down, along with the thoughts. The thoughts of how they didn’t know him, and they aren’t allowed to be sad, since they barely even saw his face. _

_ Gerard pushes these thoughts right down into his stomach where he’s sure they’ll fester and grow vile and dark. He ignores this though, reassuring himself that he’ll deal with it later. His mother’s hair is perfect, the same shade as his own. Mikey’s was brown, a lighter, warmer colour than the dark black of his own. _

_ The walk is silent, aside from the click of his mother’s heels and his own boots hitting the tarmac. Gerard tries not to look at her, but he finds himself sneaking peeks at her as they end up standing in front of the city centre. Better Living Industries’ central building stands right in front of them, a looming figure that bathes both him and his mother in shadows. She doesn’t stop, strutting straight inside. The crowd of citizens that have amassed watch them enter, and he knows they’ll retreat to their homes as soon as they’re inside. _

_ He’s silent throughout the whole process and he does not shed a tear, as his mother demanded. But he can feel his eyes become glassy as he gazes down at his poor baby brother, lying in his tiny coffin, with his eyes closed as if in sleep. His hair is slicked back, and his suit is pressed and pristine. It’s only perfection for the Way family. _

_ He blinks his eyes before he can be caught even teary-eyed. His mother waits as he walks away, and then waits until he offers her his hand and she leads him back down the street, mostly free of spectators, and home. _

_ He spends the rest of the day in his room, with nothing to occupy his time, staring out the window with an empty, absent mind. As his pills begin to wear off, he can feel anger and sorrow begin to bubble to the surface, and he hiccups in an attempt to push it all down, but as soon as a single sob escapes his mouth, he can’t stop. _

_ He screams into his pillow, balling and shaking. It takes all he has not to rip his pillow to shreds. Because it was his baby brother, barely twelve years old, not even a teenager, dead and lying in a too small coffin in a hole in the ground. They don’t really bury people anymore, but Michael Way is an exception. And that makes Gerard cry even more. _

_ In the morning his mother informs him that he will take his pills both in the morning and in the evening and that they will help him sleep and function better. _

_ He follows her orders and does as she says. _

* * *

_ At fourteen years old, Mikey Way is on top of the world. He has a Killjoy name, Kobra Kid, and even a brand new haircut, courtesy of Show Pony, and he’s chilling in the ever familiar dinner, helping out here and there. _

_ The only thing he’s missing is a crew. He’s been told about crews by Dr. D. One helped him escape, after all. Dr. D said that those guys were called the Horrible Kids and that they regularly go into the city to hang around and fuck shit up. _

_ Yeah, swearing, something he had had to get used to. All the groups dropping in on the trio swore their heads off, whether meaning to or not. They didn’t mind that there was a young kid around, kids in the zones probably came out of the womb cursing. _

_ Barely ever did a kid from the city get out. President, one of the Horrible Kids guys, told him that they’d never met a city kid before. That was when he’d dropped back in, and found Mikey swing his legs from the counter in the kitchen. _

_ He’s hanging about in the dinner when a crew turn up. He shouts out for Pony, who skates into the main part of the diner, and out into the blistering heat. They return not a moment later, with a group of four people. They look to be roughly a little older than him. Half of them look as old as Gerard would be, and the other two look barely older than him. _

_ One of the two younger ones, wearing yellow with a top hat and blond hair, goes out back to meet with Dr. D, while the other three mill about the dinner. The other younger one slides over to Mikey and sits down beside him in a booth. He has dark hair and what Mikey thinks looks like what he’d heard eyeliner looked like. He thought that was only for women… _

_ “Hey!” The guy greets. “I’m Mr. Sandman.” _

_ Mikey sends him a shy smile. “Kobra Kid.” _

_ “Awesome. We’re The Youngbloods, by the way. Me, American Beauty.” He points at one of the two older kids, the muscular one who Mikey knew he shouldn’t mess with. “American Psycho.” He points at the other older kid with the afro. “And Dr. Benzedrine, who’s down the back.” Mikey thinks back to the guy with the hat. _

_ “It’s nice to meet you guys.” _

_ “You got a crew to introduce?” Mr. Sandman asks. Mikey shakes his head. _

_ “Nah. I’m all by myself. I mostly hang around here, help out.” _

_ “Cool, you get to work with Dr. D,” Mr. Sandman says. “I’ve only met the guy once, that’s Benze’s job, ya know.” _

_ Mikey nods. “Having a crew must be really cool too.” _

_ “It sorta is, I mean, we’re family I guess.” Mr. Sandman grins at him and Mikey smiles one of his rare smiles back. _

_ By the time Dr. Benzedrine has returned with news that The Youngbloods are staying at the dinner for the night, Sandman and Mikey are already attached at the hip. _

_ The next morning, Mr. Sandman is antsy, Dr. Benzedrine glancing over at him every so often with concern in his eyes. He finally sighs and speaks up. _

_ “What’s wrong, Sandman?” _

_ Sandman jumps in surprise. “Huh?” _

_ “What’s wrong.” Benze repeats. “Why are you acting so off.” _

_ Sandman bites his lip as everyone else watches, Pony even pausing in their errands to stare. _

_ “It’s just… well… I like hanging out here with Kobra!” Sandman finally declares. “He’s, like, the best person I’ve ever met!” _

_ Mikey blushes as he smiles, looking down. _

_ Dr. Benzedrine exhales, letting his thumb and forefinger massage his brow. He seems to think for a bit before he addresses Sandman again. “Destroya… fine, Sandman.” _

_ Sandman looks up with a shocked expression on his face. “Wait, really?!” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “Kobra,” he cries and bounces over to the blond. Mikey blinks as Sandman grins at him. _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “You wanna join our crew?” Sandman asks as he jumps up and down. _

_ Mikey’s eyes widen and he bites down a smile. “Uh… okay.” He nods. _

_ Pony chooses this moment to skate down the back, and returns with Dr. D. _

_ “You going with them, Kid?” Dr. D places his hand on Mikey’s shoulder. He nods so hard it hurts. Dr. D just chuckles, looking over at Dr. Benze. “Look after him, Benze. He’s a good kid. I leave him in your trustworthy hands, Youngbloods.” _

_ Mikey smiles and Sandman jumps him, hugging him. “C’mon, you got stuff to pack up?” The blond nods again and leads Sandman further into the diner, shooting Dr. D a thankful smile. _

* * *

The Director stands in the hall, facing forward as Party Poison waves a gun in her face. She doesn’t need this right now, as she’s working on finding Gerard in order for him to take over the company. Back when Michael went missing, she knew she had to take advantage of the situation and throw the blame completely on the Killjoys, despite her being unsure that it was completely the Killjoy’s fault. 

Back then, she thought Michael _ was _ dead. It hadn’t even entered her mind that he may have joined the other side. MIchael was always the good boy, and in all actuality, both of her sons were good boys. They never did anything out of the ordinary, always took their pills every day. When Michael disappeared, Gerard even immediately told her he needed a stronger dose. 

So she gave it to him, because in a sort of strange way, she _ loved _ them. Love may be a word someone may throw around, but she’s one of the people that never use the word, unless they really mean it. She loves her sons because that’s what they are, her sons. 

And the fact that she loves them means that despite all the pills, it still stabs her in the heart when she learns of Michael’s betrayal. It hurts a little more every time she has to send out a group of Crows to kill him. But it’s what she must do. There is no hope for him any longer. 

Gerard, however, can be found, she believes. But this does not help, being caught without any defenses by Party Poison. She knows he’s famous in the Killjoy world, has far too much sway for only having surfaced a mere six months ago, already leading the ‘Joys in the desert, already teaching and spreading the information on BL/Ind that he has. 

She stares Party Poison down, freaky head and everything. Scare tactics, she’s sure of it. He waves the gun in her face, placing his hand on her head and running his filthy fingers through her perfect hair. Her guards are dead, her sword is gone, she is defenceless. 

The Killjoy she knows is named Fun Ghoul, had taken out her guards, and now watches from the door. 

“Oh, mother dearest.” 

She grits her teeth as guilt claws at her insides. Just who she didn’t want to see. 

Kobra Kid swings in, throwing his arm over Party Poison’s shoulder as he moves Party’s gun away from her head. She makes what could have been an expression of confusion, but she’s trying not to show too much emotion around the one who betrayed her. 

“Hey, Party, there’ll be time for gun-waving later. C’mon, I’m sick of lookin’ for her, let’s go. We’re takin’ her with us.”

Kobra makes his way around her and she attempts to follow him with her head, before being stopped by Party Poison’s fingers still threaded through her hair. Kobra takes her arms and locks her wrists in cuffs, pushing her forward. Party hooks his arm around her left one and Kobra takes the right, dragging her along easily. 

“Hey, _ Party _.” Kobra drags out his associate's name. “You gonna tell her what’s up now?”

Her gaze darts over to Party Poison almost involuntarily. The infamous Killjoy is pulling off the head, and once he does, he shakes his infamous red hair about, the strands each marking themselves in her mind. Party then turns to face her, grinning a bright grin with his bright green eyes almost glowing as he meets hers. 

She lets out a shaky breath that she tries her hardest to stabilize when she recognises his face. 

“Gerard…”

“Mom.” He looks over at Kobra. “C’mon Mikes, let’s get her outta here, huh?” He says as he sets down the head, which she now recognises as a distorted version of Mousekat, and pulls on his infamous yellow mask, before picking up the head again and carrying it with him. 

As they drag her to their car and then knock her out, all she can think of is how she went wrong raising the two boys she truly does love despite how harsh their betrayal stings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the first time i have ever completed a long fic, so i'm really happy. :)
> 
> thank you for everyone who has commented and stuck with me through this fic, i appreciate it. 
> 
> (by the way, the Horrible Kids, are Set It Off, and President is Maxx Danziger, his name is a reference to another one of my fics)


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